what happened when you realize your life is a  mess, that you're melting when some kind of bad so called sweet dream strikes back. When you know everything you've dreamt of will never happen even though you will be able to sign a pact with the devil to have only one moment, one taste of what you've wished for. That only happens once in a lifetime, no back in time possible…

Not looking for a happy ever after, that would make me totally bored. Just one instant, just one taste, just one touch, just anything to get away, to feel well again, to be myself, to just BE one more time

sometimes things are not going the way you'd like it to be… as simple as no answer, as simple as not understanding, as simple as a bad day, as difficult as it is to accept it. No optimism, no hope, nothing…

Nevertheless, it looks simple and easy: no word means stop, over, done,… but why not saying it, it would be easier and clearer, maybe a girl's view after all. Maybe it's just me who knows. Maybe it was just a wish; just a dream; just a desperate last attempt to get something, to reach someone, to live, to be.

there's nothing I hate more than not to know… Well, it's maybe my fault after all! If I want to know something, I should maybe just ask directly. But sometimes, asking is the beginning of the end (in my experience, it's always the case). So I'm doomed to wait and see and patience is really not what describes me the best.

So wait and see (as long as I will be able to do that)….

 
By the way, a little bit of music cannot do wrong ;-)

Sometimes life tricks us (well, I don't know for you but for me, it's pretty much all the time and in a very bad way)… One year ago or so, I was the typical 21^st century girl about 'feelings' (you know the type of 80s-revival-of-Madonna-in-her-material-girl-era): my leitmotiv was love doesn't exist, it's useless to care for someone, success must come first,… and other things of that kind.

The problem is that I'm one year older now (no, don't stop there, I'm not old enough to even care about my age yet) and things have happened - really unexpectedly- since then. And now I'm lost, really lost… I have to overcome something I wouldn't even have considered to be possible one year ago…. Well the girl who was saying 'no way, I would never let my feelings for someone be more important than my life' has grown up and what's up now?

crying is not helping but I cannot help it

what's up with me? almost a month without update and nothing to say? No, not really, a lot to say, a lot in my head but I cannot formulate, the words are not coming, maybe I'm not ready, maybe I need time to be able to focus and to think again. Maybe I just prefer to keep those words for myself, in my memory...

Getting over: yes but no forgetting...

I need to go out, I need to party, I need to stop thinking, I need to meet new people, maybe a good rebound (I know that's not fair but life's not fair after all, I know it)

let's see how things are gonna evolve....

I know I haven't updated for a while but I cannot write how I feel right now (me? being speechless? enjoy it cause that doesn't happen often... last time it was in a positive way but now, I'm just not able to focus enough to write something).... So maybe that will express better the way I am right now...

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house, that don’t bother me
I can take a few tears now and then  just let them out
I’m not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though goin on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I’m okay but that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that I'm loving you
Is what I was trying to do

It’s hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I’m doing it
It’s hard to force that smile when I see your old friends and I'm alone

Still harder gettin up, gettin dressed, livin with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart that I left unspoken

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
Never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that I'm loving you
Is what I was trying to do

I’m not afraid to cry
Every once in a while even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days
Every now and again I pretend I’m okay but that’s not what gets me

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watchin you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that I'm loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most, was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing, what could have been
And not seeing that I'm loving you
Is what I was trying to do

this is not new but I love this song (this mix is absolutely awesome) and....

there are some days when it would be easier not to wake up, when you think that everything is possible and then everything is just falling down. Anyway, it's just a matter of time to get used to it....

A little update of the mid-summer songs I like:

LEONA LEWIS - BETTER IN TIME (VIDEO)
envoyé par AcerBen

yesterday

I know I cannot write anything good when I'm happy but sometimes, I'd just like to be able to express when I feel great. So, I'm just gonna say that sometimes tears of sadness just turn into tears of happiness

but today

sometimes things just don't go well, impossible to focus on my books, getting into a fight I don't even understand, waiting to talk to someone to feel better,... There are days like these

Let's see if tomorrow will be better

One day up, the next down; what goes up must go down anyway but ...
One more day, I cannot focus on anything, don't even know if I'd like to...
Just need a few words or a sign...